In February 2013, I wrote to Volvo’s North-American car division headquarters because I wanted to suggest that they start remanufacturing my 20-year-old 240 wagon (AKA the 245, AKA the Classic, AKA the Brick), the greatest rectangular grandma grocery-getter ever built, a 114 horsepower, 26 mpg rear-wheel driven gear-hauling beast of weather-proofed-pickup-truck capacity if there ever was one.
Read MoreHARDBARNED! The Blog
This blog began in 2008 as a series of posts I wrote about my comically frustrated working life as a post-graduate barn-hauling truck driver, which evolved into a book I published in 2016. Those posts no longer exist here. Today, the blog mostly consists of my film reviews, occasionally touching on other aspects of popular culture. You can scroll through it all below, or browse the same content at Medium.
An Open Letter To James Cameron
Like many of us, you could pretend that T3 and T4 never happened, just like most of us pretend that there are only three Star Wars films. If you were indeed “quietly advising” Arnold about returning for T5, wouldn’t you like to make one final film and crush the last two pretenders like an old skull under the heel of a fleshless, menacing T-800?
Read MoreGears of War 3: Long Live The Horde!
Epic Games’ 2011 futuristic science fiction post-apocalyptic hit Gears of War 3, which pits a scrappy international army of overly muscled humans (who curiously never break for the weight room or to quaff a protein shake but nonetheless waddle around, perma-swollen under their immense, rippled muscle masses like a diverse assortment of heavily armed Lou Ferrigno clones) to battle a horrifying array of evil monsters from underground known as the Locust Horde, who will stop at nothing to murder every last one of us in the most terrifying of ways.
Read MoreGet Stoked! The Bones Brigade Returns
Out of nowhere Rodney Mullen steals the emotional core of the film, sharing thoughtful reflections on his challenging relationship with a father who repeatedly banned him from the sport despite his absolute domination of what was then known as “freestyle” skating, which focused mainly on flatland tricks, of which Mullen was the undisputed champion and chief innovator.
Read MoreBe My Wingman Anytime (Top Gun Turns 25)
I'll be the first to admit a childhood obsession with Top Gun that has lasted well into adulthood. I’ve changed quite a bit since 1986. Top Gun hasn’t, but I still love the movie as much as I did 25 years ago.
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